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28 Comments to “Q&A: My husband and I eloped. Now we are planning the “wedding” two years later. Can we still register for gifts?”

1. ra63 Says:
   11 de January, 2011 at 8:46 am

   Can’t imagine why you would think it was okay to do this now after two years and two kids.

2. pchiz Says:
   11 de January, 2011 at 9:13 am

   Not in my opinion. I got married last year after having my son, and my wedding is next week. I still had a bridal shower with gifts. Some old fashioned people may tell you it’s not appropriate, but who cares? Lots of people do this today.

3. PenguinsWife Says:
   11 de January, 2011 at 9:39 am

   My husband and I eloped but are planning a “real” wedding on our 5th anniversary.. there will be no registering for gifts. I feel after 5 (or 2 in your case) years that you have set up your home with what you need and it would be inappropriate to register. People will still bring gifts Im sure.. but they will be general.. gift cards, cash, etc.

4. p_l_gray Says:
   11 de January, 2011 at 10:21 am

   You didn’t want any one to be a part of your marriage, but now you want gifts????

   Wow.

5. Pink Denial Says:
   11 de January, 2011 at 10:53 am

   It is very inappropriate for you to register for gifts. Wedding gifts are for the couple to start their lives together, and to celebrate a wedding. Your wedding, even if it was small and in a courtroom, was two years ago. You had a wedding quite a while ago, you’ve been married, and you don’t need help starting your lives together.

   Personally, I think the wedding idea is a waste of time and money. You’re already married! Perhaps wait until your fifth anniversary, and have a small, informal vow renewal. But I’m sure you have plenty of other things to be spending that money on, and frankly most of your guests will think that your wedding would be wierd anyway.

   Also, as I mentioned, you already had your wedding. It might have been an elopement and maybe not what you’d always wanted, but it was the occassion when you joined your life with your husband. That’s a big deal, no matter what the price tag was! Having a wedding now would be like saying that the first one wasn’t good enough; it would demean the signifcance of that day.

6. Rebecca B Says:
   11 de January, 2011 at 11:09 am

   of course never to late for gift from friends and family

7. MelB Says:
   11 de January, 2011 at 12:02 pm

   Unfortunately, I think when a couple chooses to run away and get married they pretty much forfeit the luxury of registries, bridal showers and that sort of thing. I assume since you have been married for two years and have two little ones, that you have an extensive household set up for you already. I guarantee guests will still give you gifts at your celebration, but you kind of gave up the right to have your “say” in what you would like purchased for you. I don’t think it’s a waste of time and money, but it’s kind of late to call it a wedding reception.

8. tinaw2006 Says:
   11 de January, 2011 at 12:53 pm

   It is inappropriate. Are you getting married or trolling for free stuff? Whether or not you get gifts should not have bearing on whether or not you have a second wedding.

9. Watchman Says:
   11 de January, 2011 at 1:09 pm

   Don’t bother. It’s like walking graduation two years after you finished high school. Registering for gifts is tactless. You’ll spend money for a wedding no one wants to come to.

   Just have a quiet wedding, just the two of you, with the money you’ll save spend it on a car and drive somewhere for another late honeymoon.

10. Teia Says:
    11 de January, 2011 at 1:22 pm

    I think that requesting gifts would be inappropriate. If someone really feels like buying a gift they will go ahead and do it but I don’t think you should register.

11. stseukn Says:
    11 de January, 2011 at 2:02 pm

    The wedding is a nice idea. When you eloped, did people send you gifts? If so, you should not “double dip”. Especially if they also gave you baby gifts/shower(s). It would be appropriate to have a wedding and not send out a registry/needs list, but if anyone asks you specifically what you would like, you could tell them. Best wishes.

12. pretty ysay Says:
    11 de January, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    Of course you do. It’s just now that you want to share your happiness with others, by saying your “I do’s” in public. So what? . the wedding would be wonderful, even after having two or a dozen babies.

13. Sally Says:
    11 de January, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    Considering you’ve been married a couple years already and actually have two children, I wouldn’t exactly register for wedding gifts. The formal wedding is a fine idea and fun for everyone, but you are really “renewing” your vows. This doesn’t mean people won’t bring you gifts, but I wouldn’t expect that people feel required to bring them. If you want to register for gifts in general….lots of people register at Amazon.com for birthday and Christmas gifts, you know..that’s fine. If people decide to bring you a gift, they can look there. Just don’t have a bridal shower or talk about what you want for your wedding. What you should have done two years ago is send out announcements of the marriage and received gifts then.

14. Searching.for.Truth. Says:
    11 de January, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    You didn’t want anyone to be included in your original wedding…so is the purpose of this event for you or for your friends and family? Try to think about why you want this now, what’s the purpose and who will it benifit.

    If you’re doing this so that your friends and family who’d been left our originally can share in your special day, then don’t call it a wedding say that you’re exchanging your vows again. You could put *no gifts necessary* at the bottom so people don’t think you’re just in search of some goods, then if they decide they want to bring something for you anyway, they can.

    Otherwise it’s going to look like you’re just in it to get gifts, and that’s never..ever the way to go.

15. First Lady Says:
    11 de January, 2011 at 3:36 pm

    I think it’s a waste of time and money. Why not take the money you would have spent on the “wedding” and put it into a college fund for your kids? That would be a much better use of the money. Everyone knows you’re married and you’re obviously set up in your household. It would look tacky I think to register for gifts now.

16. txmagic61 Says:
    11 de January, 2011 at 3:42 pm

    Although many might tell you that it is OK to register for gifts this time around, I say don’t do it. As far as having the wedding, go right ahead, BUT, your invitations should clearly indicate that it is a vow renewal. You will not be able to get another marriage license since you are already married, therefore it is definitely a vow renewal. Your question indicated that you want to marry in the church to unite in your faith, so if the important thing is to marry in faith, then the gifts are a moot issue. A bride should NEVER, under ANY circumstances ever include gift registry information with her invitations. DO NOT believe all those registry counselors at the malls and stores. It really is tacky when a guest receives a registry card with the invitation. Basically it is like sating come to my wedding but be sure to bring a gift…from here! Your wedding (vow renewal) should be a time to gather with friends and family before God to express your desire to remain true to each other and building a religious family together. The gift is their presence as your witnesses. Go ahead and renew your vows, but if your truly meant what you said about declaring your love in your church, then you won’t care about the gifts at all!

17. Joycee Says:
    11 de January, 2011 at 4:13 pm

    No after two years I would say no..it would be disrespectfull..why not ask for money to be donated into a childs education fund instead

18. Krissi Says:
    11 de January, 2011 at 4:57 pm

    If you want to renew your vows in a church because you two have just come into Christianity, that is perfectly understandable, and commendable. But, I would only invite a few relatives and/or friends to join in on the occasion and treat them to a lunch/dinner afterwards at a restaurant or your home. I would not expect or ask for gifts. Not saying you won’t receive anything, but let that decision be up to the people you invite. If you want to have the big wedding you never had, that is a personal decision, but after two years of marriage, it is inappropriate to ask for gifts.

19. justpeachee22 Says:
    11 de January, 2011 at 5:53 pm

    I understand the religious significance, in that you want this “wedding” to symbolize the start of your new lives together with Christ. I don’t think it’s a waste of time or money, just don’t go overboard….skip the fancy white gown(as Miranda in Sex and the City says, “No white. I have a kid. The jig is up!” hehe) and opt for something more simple, yet elegant. Etiquette-wise it is highly innapropriate to register for gifts two years after you were originally married. From what I’ve read of Miss Manners it is innapropriate even if the faux wedding is done shortly after the vows. Make no mention of gifts, and if people ask, say that their attendance and not a gift is welcomed. If people, especially close friends and family choose to bring gifts that is absolutely OK, but it should be clear (however you choose to notify) that they are not required and you shouldn’t under any circumstances, “register” which would imply that gifts are required at this soiree. Good luck!

20. Amethyst92476 Says:
    11 de January, 2011 at 6:17 pm

    You can still register for wedding gifts even though you’re already married. You eloped the first time and I’m sure your friends and family will be thrilled they’re getting a second chance. Furthermore, think of all the money you’ve spent for the weddings you went to for your friends and family. Now, it’s finally payback time for you. To your second question, no the whole wedding idea is not a waste of time and money. You’re reaffirming that your husband truly is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Have fun planning and congratulations.

21. ELM Says:
    11 de January, 2011 at 6:35 pm

    Becasue you had valid reasons for eloping (monetary) and you have a valid reson for renewing your vows (finding God) I think it is perfectly acceptable…as long as you did not get gifts the first time around.
    Maybe just be thankful that your friends and family will be there this time and celebrate with them this way. Don’t expect gifts.

22. bandan Says:
    11 de January, 2011 at 7:27 pm

    yeah go get hitched again with every one there
    but dont register for gifts

23. nanny Says:
    11 de January, 2011 at 8:17 pm

    You already had your wedding, whatever the circumstances were! You shouldn’t be trying to have another – that’s just nuts and totally inappropriate! Wait til your 10th anniversary and have a small vow renewal ceremony.
    Don’t know where you got the idea that you could possibly do what you are thinking of…. Just because you didn’t get the wedding of your “dreams” doesn’t make your marriage LESS. You have kids, for gosh’ sake! Be happy with what you have!

24. pebz Says:
    11 de January, 2011 at 8:33 pm

    You posted on my other question… so here’s my thoughts on yours!!!

    For our reception this summer I never even thought about registering anywhere… I kinda think that may come across as “hey, come to our party, but only to bring gifts!”. Our friends and family are definately aware that we eloped and didn’t have a honeymoon, so I’m going to make a card box decorated with palm trees and such with a sign called “honeymoon fund”, and let people decide on their own if they would like to donate!!! I think registering would be too much, but having something set up that allows people to decide on their own is a great idea!

25. jennyss Says:
    11 de January, 2011 at 8:58 pm

    I think it’s a great idea to re-affirm your vows not that you’ve found Christ. Have the wedding of your dreams, and the reception to match. Your family and friends will be glad to see you two so committed and in love and will want to celebrate with you. If you want to register for gifts, do it. Just don’t list on the wedding invitation where you registered. If people want to give you a gift, they can ask if you’re registered anywhere. A wedding, no matter when it takes place, is not just for gifts, as I’m sure you know considering you eloped to begin with So, just because you registered, doesn’t mean you’re being greedy. It’s helpful to those who want to give you a gift, so they know what you want. I think if you want a wedding ceremony and reception you should have it. You don’t want to regret it years from now. A lot of people who elope end up having a reception when they get back and people still give them gifts, so I don’t see why having a wedding ceremony would be wrong. Good luck!

26. Here In LaLA Says:
    11 de January, 2011 at 9:11 pm

    Okay, I answered the other question, but not the part about the registry – I would go with the majority, but, give the registry only to people that ask. Send out invitations without the registries in there. And people who plan on being in your lives in the future will be there to support you, no matter what your religion is and how strict.

27. sparkleythings_4you Says:
    11 de January, 2011 at 9:34 pm

    I’m not sure if it is appropriate or not, but I know that if I was invited to a wedding where the people had already been living together for a number of years, I would still ask them what they wanted as a gift, I would feel rude attending their wedding without a gift. Some people have really strict ideas of what they consider right or wrong, so sometimes you just have to go with what you feel is appropriate. I’ve lived with my b/f for almost 3 years and we are getting married this year, we are not registering, but if people ask us (and they do, and they INSIST) on buying us something, we just say something simple like towels or bed sheets, inexpensive and something you can never have too many of. We have tried saying to people “We just want you there, that’s our gift” and some people have said “OK”, but others have said they absolutely insist on a gift, if they do ask then keep it an inexpensive and useful gift. As you are already legally married you are having a vow renewal or church blessing, I think people will still want to buy you something.

28. newjerseygirl Says:
    11 de January, 2011 at 10:14 pm

    Yes. I am glad that you have become Christians now, but its too late to register for wedding gifts. The idea of registering for gifts is to help out a new couple-you’re not even supposed to have a bridal shower if you’re getting married for the second time to a different man let alone the same one.

    I would have a re-affirmation ceremony. Recite your vows over again in a ceremony at church (please don’t wear a real wedding dress but instead a simple white gown.) Afterwards throw a party at your house or at a hall keeping it small. Don’t mention gifts at all-if people wish to give you anything let them but having a registry implies that you are looking for gifts.

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