Q&A: maid of honor dilemma?
Question by kittie: maid of honor dilemma?
im getting married in 3 months, and instead of my MOH doing her “duties”, she’s planning “her” wedding…she’s not even frickin engaged!!! it drives me absolutely nuts everytime i catch her on the computer looking at rings, at dresses, and all that stuff…i need some really good advice to talk me out of knocking her teeth out…
Best answer:
Answer by Queenly
Tell her how you feel. I had an inconsiderate maid of honor to..I wish I would have told her what I needed and expected from her.
She won’t know unless you tell her.
Add your own answer in the comments!
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23 de March, 2011 at 6:27 am
Do you expect her to know what her duties are? Take her out to lunch and talk to her about the specific things you need her to help with. Be specific. Write them down. Give her a timeline. She’s not a mind reader. And leave her teeth alone — she won’t look very good for your wedding if you knock them out! By the way, I hope you haven’t driven anyone nuts while you’ve been planning your wedding.!!??
23 de March, 2011 at 7:10 am
seems to me that seeing you make all your plans has made her excited about something that will happen for her in the future..its understandable that you are stressed out right now..but try to chill out..talk to her about it in a *nice* way and try not to be a bridezilla =]]
23 de March, 2011 at 8:07 am
Welcome to the world of unmarried/unengaged friends lol. I have been dealing with that not only with my MOH but my two sisters who are BM. I understand where you are coming from. I talked to both my sisters and MOH and as nicely as I could muster I told them that they were picked to be in my wedding because they mean the most to me and I thought I would get the most help from them but that isn’t what they are doing. Just lay it out there. She is you MOH so she must be a very good friend so she should understand and stop the nonsense. Good Luck. :0)
23 de March, 2011 at 9:06 am
Let her know how you feel—as simple as that…
23 de March, 2011 at 9:59 am
I can understand. Like another stated, take her out to lunch and explain to her what her duties are…or what you need from her, she might not know, if she balks at the idea or doesn’t help even after you explained to her, maybe she doesn’t need to be the MOH and politely tell her why. You shouldn’t be stressed out, it’s one of her duties to help you destress. Good luck!
23 de March, 2011 at 10:17 am
That’s aweful. I would just talk with her plainly about it.
23 de March, 2011 at 11:03 am
haha wow.. what a friend you are. holy bridezilla.
your friend is getting excited and cant wait for her own wedding one day…. are you kidding me?! Saying your “catch her” looking at rings.. like its a bad thing?
Sweetie- your delusional. Her “duties”.. please.
Thank god my friends are better people then you. Please consider applying for bridezillas and then applying for a personality.
23 de March, 2011 at 11:59 am
She is your MOH…which means she is a close friend or a family member. Getting really upset with her and pointing out her flaws will not only cause hurt feelings, but derail some of your wedding plans.
Be specific about what you would like her to accomplish, along with a deadline. Give her as many details as you can about how you want her to complete her “duties.”
She is probably just very caught up in the romance and drama of a wedding and wishes it was her time. Don’t take offense to that, be flattered.
23 de March, 2011 at 12:48 pm
well, what do you want help with? Ask her to help you SPECIFICALLY with the things you want. My sister is going to be my MOH and she won’t even be around until a month before the wedding as she goes to a boarding school. Figure out the things you need help on and if she’s not cutting it, ask some of your other girls?
23 de March, 2011 at 12:53 pm
First of all, I know you are sensitive, but the world doesn’t begin and end with your wedding. Surprisingly, it’s just another day to a lot of the people who are attending. It’s a great day, a time of celebration, but it doesn’t have the same importance that your day has to you.
Now, if you MOH is too busy to help you, maybe you need to offer to let her bow out of the wedding altogether. Perhaps she is engaged, but hasn’t announced it yet. There could be many reasons why she is doing this to you. On the other hand, she could be selfish and very self-absorbed, in which case, you owe it to yourself to release her from her duties. If this is a sign of her real character, be glad you’ve seen her for what she is, but talk to her first without anger or judgment. Behave like the lady you are, and if she decides that she’s more interested in herself than in being your friend, it reflects badly on her character and you will be proud of yourself for being graceful. Then find someone with your interests at heart and give that person the honor.
Your MOH should be ashamed for accepting an honor and letting you down. Best of luck to you. Blessings on your marriage.
23 de March, 2011 at 1:11 pm
“Everytime I catch her”- does she work for you? How much time is she supposed to be devoting to “your day”?
My MOH threw a shower for me, and came to pick out dresses. That was it. That’s all I expected.
Perhaps you’d get more sympathy if you were more clear about exactly what it is you think she should be doing, instead of looking at rings and dresses.
23 de March, 2011 at 1:58 pm
She doesn’t have to live, eat, sleep, and breathe your wedding, dear…so what is she’s dreaming about her own…so what if she’s looking at rings, dresses and imagining what her day will be like..her life doesn’t revolve around you and as long as…
she goes for her outfit and has all her fittings on time
she helps to throw your batchelorette party-she does not give your bridal shower—-a close friend or other family member does that
she arrives on time for the wedding rehearsal.
she arrives on time for the wedding looking pretty and dressed properly
she holds your bouquet and the groom’s rings for you while at the altar
she straightens out your dress’s train
she acts as a signing witness on your certificate…
…I mean what else is she needed for???? She is not a seravnt, a slave, a go-for errand runner, nor does she make arrangements for your wedding…you do. if you want some one to hold your hand or listen to all your woes, go to your mother or pay a psychiatrist…..
..or maybe dreaming about her wedding is the only way she can excape your non-stop chattering about yours…
You aren’t the only one in the world getting married dear…get off the Bridezilla boat and behave reasonably before someone ‘knocks-out ‘ your teeth…..or when her wedding does come along you will not be asked to be in the bridal party…think about it, Toots.