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10 Comments to “Q&A: Is it tacky for military couples to have a courthouse wedding, and a bigger wedding later?”

1. nova_queen_28 Says:
   28 de April, 2011 at 6:24 am

   Military service is one of the few instances where people are usually accepting of this situation.
   I don’t think it is one bit tacky.
   Just don’t hide it from your family – let them know your situation and ask for their support in doing the legal marriage stuff before the “big day” that you will share with them.

2. Suz123 Says:
   28 de April, 2011 at 6:35 am

   Just my opinion . . . I think it’s best to choose one or the other. Not do both.

   Or there is a compromise between the two. Have everything in place for an intimate wedding. Gown for you, best man and maid of honor and officiant on alert. Plan a quiet wedding at home . . . with closest family and one or two dear friends in attendance.

   Have everything ready, only a few phone calls away. Then when your groom is able to come home, have your wedding. It can be pulled together with only a few days notice . . . if you (the bride) have everything lined up and in readiness.

   Groom can wear his uniform . . . so no need to worry with renting a tux.

3. *Miss_Autumn* Says:
   28 de April, 2011 at 7:21 am

   You only get one wedding where the legal paperwork is signed. Anything after that is a do-over under the guise of a renewal. Especially if you lie to your family and friends and say that the big party later is your “real” wedding because they will find out.

   I have a friend whose husband is in the Army and they got married not long ago but they made plans based on the short amount of time they were given to put it together. It wasn’t a huge extravagant affair but they were happy with it and have no plans to have any lavish renewals or do-overs later because to them that was their real wedding. Anything else would be a farce. She also doesn’t know anyone else whom her husband works with or is affiliated with who finds do-overs to be morally acceptable even though there are people who say everyone and their brother does it.

   Americans in general tend to be all about excess and big productions and the real meaning behind something has completely been forgotten. On top of that, these days people don’t care if they are doing something rude or who they offend in the process as long as they get their way. This whole thing where military brides say “we weren’t really married when we signed the paperwork even though the government says otherwise because they don’t know what they’re talking about and our families will never find out we’re scamming them and if they do, they’ll turn a blind eye and forgive us because we did nothing wrong” is yet another example of that immaturity and self-centeredness.

   If you’re not able or willing to be completely honest all around, you shouldn’t be getting married. Life doesn’t offer do-overs for any event, especially weddings.

4. TB Says:
   28 de April, 2011 at 8:10 am

   Tacky has nothing to do with it. Tacky is about lame and plastic attempts to make yourself look classier than you are. Think Miss Piggy in her tiara.
   So. If you two want to be married and cant manage a long pre-planning, you should get married in a private ceremony. It doesnt have to be courthouse, you can have a private church wedding. A minister reads the same words whether it’s just the two of you and two witnesses or a church full of people.
   If you arrange to celebrate your marriage, wedding, or anniversary at a future time in the form of a large celebration, it will be your party to throw.
   Honey, marry your guy!

5. Trinity Moon Says:
   28 de April, 2011 at 8:23 am

   For those who’s answers were something along the lines of “you can only have one wedding” it’s true. (I know this might get the bad thumbs but…) you can only be married once! I think if you choose a small ceremony or courthouse wedding, having a big ceremony later is not getting married again, but it would be a renewal of vows instead. It just shouldn’t be done at the risk of being tacky.

   But really, who pays attention to etiquette anymore anyways… do as you wish and be excited and happy about your choice. Your feelings are what matters most.

6. Silly Mommy Says:
   28 de April, 2011 at 8:48 am

   No, and it is often common for many military couples. There is even special wording that can go on an invitation for this type of situation!

   It’s important, though, to inform your close family of your actual marriage. Distant family whom you know wouldn’t mind either way but would still like to attend the “wedding” will be informed via the specially-worded invitation. This is not tacky at all and is still regarded as a way for a military couple who desires to share their life together (as they cannot unless married) and celebrate with close/distant family when a planned “party” is more appropriate.

   Have a wonderful marriage!

7. Lovelychick Says:
   28 de April, 2011 at 9:09 am

   Military or not it isn’t tacky.. some people do the courthouse and later decided they want a big celebration just so family can be included.. and if you are already married it is less stress..

8. ;) Says:
   28 de April, 2011 at 9:51 am

   I’m a military wife myself. Many military couples do this, because of deployment schedules. Go ahead and get legally married at the court house, and then plan the wedding of a life time on your anniversary.

   I had less then 8 weeks to plan my wedding, and it turned into a disaster (other people ruined my wedding day). My husband wasn’t suppose to deploy until the following summer, but it was moved up to May. And we HAD to be married before he deployed, and was stationed else where.

   Just a lil advice: Wear something nice for the legal marriage, take pictures, go out for a nice meal, and DEFINITELY have a honeymoon. I didn’t even get a honeymoon.

   Good Luck!

9. Lauren Says:
   18 de July, 2011 at 8:58 pm

   I don’t think it is tacky but that is partially because I am in the same situation. We chose to do the legal paperwork before he left for boot camp to make sure that I would be able to visit him and have access to as much information as possible while he was away.
   Some people know but the majority of people don’t but we don’t truly view ourselves as married because we weren’t able to commit to one another in front of everyone.
   We plan on having another event – where we write our own vows and call it a vow exchange with all the traditional trimmings. This will be the time when everyone knows and the day we remember.
   It is hard but it is common and you will read a lot of nasty things about it. Go with what is best for you. His recruiters all suggested it because the military won’t recognize you without the paperwork but if you are committed enough to be engaged you feel that you should be recognized.
   It is difficult but in the end it has been worth it and if you love the person you are with traditional ideals and fairy tale endings don’t seem to matter as much as doing what allows you to be with them as often as possible.

10. brownie Says:
    8 de August, 2011 at 6:12 pm

    Being a military spouse in this exact situation, I don’t find it tacky at all. It’s not anyone’s business how you take your vows. Even the most budget friendly of weddings these days will put you out several thousand dollars. So, just because we wanted to be married at a time when we couldn’t afford the wedding we both wanted doesn’t mean we can’t save up to have it later on. And I ask you this: if you’re so much in love with your spouse, what wouldn’t you give to relive that beautiful day with them again and this time so all your family and friends can take part? I would give anything

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