Q&A: Inviting Ex boyfriend to wedding?

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Question by Ash: Inviting Ex boyfriend to wedding?
He and I have a daughter together and I want to invite him and his family. He’s a great guy and even my fiance agrees – actually believe it or not, they’ve became friends and it was my fiance’s suggestion to invite him ! I agreed because I’m close with his family and so is my fiance – they’re like our other family since there are grandparents involved and what not.

So my fiance isn’t the issue. It’s my mother – she doesn’t want my ex’s family there at all. She’s been threatening to not even show up. I even said “It’s our wedding, not yours. I make the guest list so deal with it” and she started going on about the 5k she gave me for the wedding (which I didn’t even ask for – she offered because she wanted too). So when she brought that up, I wrote her a cheque for 5k because I do have the money and said “If you helping with cost means that you’re going to try to control everything, then I want you having no part of it.Go home, you’re done helping plan”

So, my Q – Since my fiance is okay with it and even suggested it – is it okay to invite my ex and his family ? Mine and my fiance’s wants take priority over my mothers for something like this, right ?

Best answer:

Answer by destinee :)
It is entirely up to you who you have at the wedding, and anyone who tries to control it otherwise clearly has no respect for you or your fiancee’s feelings – it is a day to celebrate love, not hatred. It is a time for everyone to come together. It is YOUR day, and it is up to YOU who you invite, and if your mother is happy to miss her own daughter’s wedding because of a ridiculous feud with your ex’s family then maybe its better she isn’t there if she can’t be supportive of you. Sorry to be direct but it’s not about her.

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8 Comments to “Q&A: Inviting Ex boyfriend to wedding?”

  1. elmo Says:

    You have every right to invite him. This is yours and your finaces day, not your mothers. You should have a choice in who you want coming to your party and who you don’t. Since both your finace and yourself like him and you get along with him, then invite him! Your mother doesn’t have to like everyone you do. Good for you for taking charge in this kind of situation when it can get very stressful.

    I wish you good luck with this situation and good luck with your marriage!

  2. Eibhlinn Savage Says:

    because you have a child with your ex and your fiance is ok with it, I think it’s perfectly fine to invite him. I personally find a bit weird that you would invite his family as well, but since you say you’re all close, why not, it’s up to you.
    You’re right not to put up with your mother trying to control who you invite. I guess she’s just bluffing anyway about not coming to your wedding. Just let her brood on her own and don’t mind her. Don’t discuss your wedding plans with her either if all she has to say is “don’t do this or I won’t be there/ will take my money back”.

    PS: I also agree with those who have said you kicked ***. It was brilliant what you did with the cheque and we all admire your “brass ones” as someone put it. Good for you!

  3. Cynthia Says:

    You should invite your ex- boyfriend and his family to your wedding. Your mother probably didn’t want you to get hurt again like on the day you broke up. When your mother said that she won’t come to the wedding, I don’t think she meant it. If mothers don’t come to your wedding, now that is not called a mother anymore! This is your big day, and she just said she was not going to your wedding if you invite your ex-boyfriend and his family. If you invite them, your mother will come for sure. She was just protecting you. I believe you have a great mother.

    Congratulations that you are getting married!

  4. Truth Says:

    if you and your man accepted, then go ahead without thinking twice of how your mother will feel. this is about you and your life not about your mother or her life. i am wishing you a happy wedding. good luck.

  5. Elizabeth Says:

    I could never have a wedding without my mother. Regardless of her feelings about your ex or his family, you two have a child together, he will always be a part of your life. Instead of getting angry because of her controlling ways, I’d try to talk with her. This is the woman who raised you and provided for you. No matter how unreasonable she’s being now, you need to show her respect.

    If she doesn’t show up, you will both regret that forever. Try and talk to her. Explain that it’s just one day. You’re marrying the man you love and no one else matters, but you have a child with this man and you want everyone in his family to feel included. Emphasize that you just want a peaceful day and you need her to be a part of it for you.

  6. Dr. KIA GCG Kickin it old school Says:

    I would invite them. You let her get away with this now, and she’ll be pushing you around for the rest of you life. And when you inform her they’re coming say “Just so you know, if you don’t want to come, that’s your choice, but if anybody asks why you’re not there, I’m not going to lie, and you’re going to look like an as­s.

  7. Losing Is Not An Option Says:

    Dam!
    YOU ARE MY HERO!
    you have a set of brass ones, girl, you ROCK the house!!!!
    you did exactly the right thing not letting money equal control
    you and your fiance are off on the right foot!!!
    WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

  8. Momto2inFL Says:

    You’re okay with it. Your fiancé is okay with it. Period.

    I think you kick so much ass for writing a check and sending your Mom on her way. And your statement was DEAD on!

    Has she spoken to you since then? I’d be interested to hear what she had to say if in fact she has said anything at all.

    You’re not wrong here. You guys made this decision, you’re comfortable with your decision, and that’s all that matters. It’s not your mother’s choice, it’s YOURS.

    The extra bonus with this is that your ex and his family can take your daughter home with him that night after the wedding and you guys don’t have to stress one bit about anything pertaining to your daughter on your wedding day. You get to worry about yourselves only. Consider it a gift ;)

    And remind your mother that this wedding day won’t be complete without her there and you really hope she can just accept the decisions you as a family have made, be happy that you are so happy and just enjoy the wedding!!

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