Q&A: How can I tell my parents to butt out?
Question by Me: How can I tell my parents to butt out?
I’m 23 years old. I moved out of the house more than 3 years ago. I have a college degree and steady full-time job. I am engaged to be married next year. But despite the fact that I am a grown adult, it seems like everything I do, my parents have to argue with me about it.
I wanted a dog (since they never allowed me to get one growing up – despite our HUGE backyard). My in-laws breed dogs and they decided to give my fiance and I one for a gift. Of course, my parents had a problem with it – where are you going to keep it? How are you going to train it? etc…
Wedding planning – “Your church is too expensive” (even though they aren’t paying for it), and “I don’t like those favors”
How do I get my parents out of my hair? I want to make my own decisions without them always putting in their negative opinions.
Best answer:
Answer by Prophet 1102
Because you still rely on obtaining your parents approval for everything you do. You think you are independent but you’re not.
If you don’t want their opinion don’t discuss things with them.
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25 de February, 2011 at 8:23 am
Try not to discuss too much of your personal life with them. Or, you can phrase things in such a way that there is no room for them to say something negative or when they say something negative you could just be upbeat and laugh at them. The less you share with them, the less they will be able to add to negatively. I remember my mother doing the same thing to me. I just quit telling her so much and it stopped.
25 de February, 2011 at 9:05 am
Just tell them what you just wrote:
“I want to make my own decisions without them always putting in their negative opinions.”
- Just say it a little nicer. Also, just ignore them u can listen to them but not do what they say
25 de February, 2011 at 9:28 am
Hi there,
No matter how old you get, you’re still your parents’ baby. But, you do have to set limits.
I am eighteen years old now and I’m in college and planning to go to university once I’m done my diploma in college. My mother’s husband who is a major critic kept telling me how it was such a bad idea….whine, whine, whine! So I told him straight out, “look, I’m an adult now and I’m independent, I appreciate your need to help, but I think I can make my decisions.” He stopped right then and there and admired what I said to him.
Be polite about it though, don’t start freaking out…but if you wait long enough, you will explode on them!
25 de February, 2011 at 10:24 am
tell them what you just told us. tell them that you are an adult and you can make your own decisions and it is your mistake to make. tell them that you would like to make a decision without them being against it for once. you could always do what i do and don’t let them have any say in your decisions. i got tired of them challenging my every decision so i told them that they were no longer part of it. i wasn’t trying to hurt them or anything they just still wanted control.
25 de February, 2011 at 11:22 am
Never been through this before…Wish I could help.
25 de February, 2011 at 11:55 am
In this case you HAVE to be a bit selfish. being selfish is not a good thing, but in this case it is warranted.
Every time they tell you what to do, you calmly and politely tell them. “This is my life, and this is how I want it”. Then leave their presence. go into another room, or even leave their house and go home.
I caution you, though, that you must NEVER take this attitude with anyone else! this is NOT a good attitude to take, but you must “establish your territory” before they take over your married life.
And, this IS going to cause problems. be prepared that they will tell you to never come to their house again. in that case, you oblige. Still, YOU always make the effort to call them, send birthday cadrs, etc. It Is your life, and YOU choose to include them, but you do NOT choose to follow their suggestions.