Q&A: Fiance’s mother is already talking about a “smallll and simple wedding”, will it be better to elope?
Question by PlasticTrees: Fiance’s mother is already talking about a “smallll and simple wedding”, will it be better to elope?
We have been engaged since May, not getting married til 09/08. On the phone she told him to keep it small and simple and that no one needs a big wedding. She also said “your brother only had 2 people at his”. *This all happened after he told her that about 40 relatives are going to the engagement party* I don’t know if he has told her, but we’d like to split cost up fairly and make it a classy event.
I’m either getting the wedding I want, or I’d like to elope so that I don’t encounter the typical wedding planning issues. What do you think will come of this?
His parents are very wealthy btw, my mother is completely the opposite.
Best answer:
Answer by nlapin5585
Your future mother-in-law has no control over the wedding. Invite who you want to invite. You have plenty of time to plan everything.
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2 de February, 2011 at 8:30 pm
This will be YOUR wedding, not your future mother-in-law’s. Make it the best that you can afford, and get what you want.
2 de February, 2011 at 9:13 pm
i think you are entitled to the wedding that you want. you are the one getting married, not her. sounds like she’s trying to push him into making it small so she doesn’t have to pay for anything. if she really wants to push it, next time you are over at her house, ask her if you can see her wedding picture and see what kind of wedding she had.
2 de February, 2011 at 10:09 pm
well the mama inlaw ain’t patient enough.so u want to quit ur life partner over a one day wedding?….wats up with WOMEN AND WEDDINGS FOR goooodness sakes…..
2 de February, 2011 at 10:32 pm
Tell her straight up that you and hubby have different ideas from what she’s thinking, and you don’t want to compare to his brother. Spell out what you’ve got in mind, how much you think it’ll cost, and how much you’d like her to contribute. Then ask her opinion if she thinks it’s do-able. If she says she can’t, see what she thinks she can handle, then at least you know where you stand financially and can make your decision from there. It’s your wedding, not hers…be prepared to pay for it yourself or just get married on a cruise.
2 de February, 2011 at 11:28 pm
I can imagine how hard this would be, since it’s supposed to be your special day. I’d talk to your fiance, tell him what you want, and see what he wants. He probably is the best route to get the wedding you want. If all else fails, remember this: the marriage is more important than the wedding. Don’t get me wrong, the wedding is important, it’s your day, for Pete’s sake it’s YOUR wedding, and it should be the way you and your fiance agree to. The parents should be willing to make it a very special event the way they want, and if they don’t get that, I think that violates tradition. Your mother in law already had her wedding, and if she let someone else control it, that doesn’t mean she gets to decide how yours goes. In any case, remember, that no matter how that one special day goes, you guys will have the rest of your lives together to have a beautiful relationship.
3 de February, 2011 at 12:25 am
Do what you want, however realize that you will have to pay for it yourself. If your mother in law wants to contribute she will give you a gift, but you will most likely end up doing it yourself.
3 de February, 2011 at 1:18 am
I’m not sure why you guys have to have your parents pay for you wedding? If you want things your way, find a way to pay for it. If you can’t afford it, then do what you can afford. I think it is selfish of people to make their parents pay for a wedding they can’t afford.
3 de February, 2011 at 2:12 am
Your fiance’s mother doesn’t get to plan the wedding. Also she doesn’t have to pay for anything. This makes it very easy for your to have the wedding you want. All you have to do is pay for it. You are grown ups there is no splitting the costs.
3 de February, 2011 at 2:29 am
It’s your wedding day so do what you want.
3 de February, 2011 at 2:43 am
the more i think about this…the more i’m down with eloping. i totally agree with you…you want it done right, or you don’t want it done at all.
and honestly, a few years from now when you REALLY need that money…do you want to know you spent it on something that has NOTHING to do with your married life? don’t get me wrong, i totally believe a marriage is sacred, it needs to start at the right moment, with the right feeling, and something special needs to happen to begin your new life…but not at the expense at the rest of it!! or your relationship with your inlaws…and remember, tradition says the brides parents pay…perhaps your inlaws were not expecting to finance the wedding. you are an adult right? if you can’t pay for your own wedding, should you be getting upset with others who don’t want to pay?
the idea of doing all that planning just makes me dizzy. i was a bridesmaid in my friends wedding last week…HUGE affair…about 10 minutes before she walked down the isle, she pulled me over and whispered fiercly in my ear “DO NOT do this! do not do this! it’s not worth it! i wish i was on a beach somewhere right now, just him and i.” so……i’ll take that advice!
3 de February, 2011 at 2:51 am
Unless you plan on splitting up the cost between the two of you (you and your fiance only not family) then just elope. If mom thinks her money is going toward this she will keep intruding and keep pushing the smaller wedding. If you are able to have the wedding you want without help from family then do exactly what you want and she will be okay.
3 de February, 2011 at 3:36 am
Do what is in your heart and wallet. You don;t want to be paying off your wedding when you are old and grey and sadly a good chuck of people who get married, end up filing not to stay married
3 de February, 2011 at 4:25 am
Personally, I would go to Hawaii or another exotic location and elope. There are plenty of wedding planners to help you out. My cousin got married in Maui and had only her parents and two brothers and her husband’s mother and brother. Very small, very intimate and oh my gosh, according to pictures, very beautiful!!
Her parents had a reception a couple of months afterwards for the rest of the family and friends.
3 de February, 2011 at 5:08 am
You didnt mention who would be splitting up the costs. If you and your fiance plan to pay for everything, disregard what she says!! She sounds like a real downer.
3 de February, 2011 at 6:05 am
If two people are mature enough to marry, then they are mature enough to pay for their own wedding. If parents wish to gift the couple with money to use for the wedding, the couple has the option of graciously accepting or declining.
But . . . you cannot pressure the parents to give you money for the wedding. It is up to them. Doesn’t matter if they are wealthy or not. If your in-laws don’t want to split the costs, you cannot force them to do so.
The choice belongs to you and your fiance. Either you save up the money for the wedding you desire . . . or you elope and avoid many stresses. Good luck to you.
3 de February, 2011 at 6:19 am
If you and your bf are mature and independent, you should be paying for your own wedding and then you plan the type/style of wedding you want, and the number of guests according to your own budget. Be polite, though, and take into account the wishes of both sets of parents. Remember that weddings ARE for families!
3 de February, 2011 at 6:35 am
I think that what she is really saying is that she and her husband won’t be contributing money to this wedding. Your boyfriend should find out for sure what they are intending to contribute before you decide what kind of wedding you will be having. If the two of you can afford a destination wedding, that is really a wonderful alternative. You still feel that you have had a big celebration of this important event, and yet you avoid a lot of the hassle.
Good luck.